The Silence Between Us

After four months of silence —

The pain, the confusion, the shame, the yearnings 

I thought everything between us ended on Feb**

That was the day the sky dimmed in my little world.

All my hope, my prayers, the quiet affirmations I whispered into my pillow each night — they vanished like smoke.

In the days that followed, I didn’t leave my room.

No lectures, no texts, no calls — just silence. The kind that doesn’t soothe, but swallows.

I stopped seeing myself in the mirror.

Not because I wasn’t there, but because the version of me that smiled, that glowed — she was gone.

Replaced by someone whose face was soaked in grief, eyes swollen, spirit shattered.

And yet, slowly, painfully, I tried to move on.

I told myself: You came here with dreams that took everything to build. You survived more than this. You will rise.

But just when I thought I was starting to breathe again —

Came the email.

A formal notice from the university.

A report.

The word slapped me across the face.

The breath escaped my lungs.

And then… the name.

His name.

He had reported me.

The very person I had loved quietly, deeply, selflessly.

The one I prayed for. The one who had once brought light to my dark days — now, calling me a threat.

I didn’t understand.

How could someone I never touched, never cornered, never followed — accuse me of invading his space?

I was called for an investigation.

I spoke the truth — trembling, but clear.

Then came April. He gave his impact statement

I received everything on June**

A folder filled with cold words, calculated messages, voice notes, timelines, reports.

I opened it all… and collapsed.

In one sentence he wrote,

“Having to always look around to make sure she was not too close to me in any particular environment – from the gates of my accommodation to the classroom itself – was not a fun experience.”

That broke me in a way I didn’t know was possible.

I had never been close. Not in the way he described. I had walked with distance. With silence. With dignity.

Yes, I had loved — but never crossed a line.

I cried all night. Screamed into the emptiness of my walls, wishing someone could just understand.

But I couldn't speak about it to anyone.

Then someone — someone who knew part of the story — said something that burned deeper than the report itself.

“He probably thought you were behind him for Swiss nationality or money. He might have felt trapped.”

That was when I realized the world wasn't going to see the truth.

They were going to build their own.

Brick by brick.

On top of my broken heart.

Did they forget I am human too?

I didn’t love for a passport.

I didn’t pray for someone’s wealth.

I loved — stupidly, selflessly, maybe naively — with the heart of a girl who never asked for anything in return.

And now, I am left with this hollow space between us.

Where once there was unspoken connection, there’s now silence thick with judgment.

We’re strangers now — legally, emotionally, completely.

The final decision tomorrow, and I couldn’t speak.

The words choked inside my chest.

All I could do was cry.

Because deep down, I still wanted to ask him:

Did you know how much I struggled after you left?

Did you know how much I missed you everyday ? Some days I reckon, 

Did you know how many times I asked God to take the pain away— just so I could breathe again?

Did you know that every step I took in that corridor, I avoided your eyes out of love, bit nervous and fear — not obsession?

Did you ever know how this affect my studies, my visa and my life ? 

Did you ever gave a thought before raising allegations how the no contact scenario would drain me even after I showed you my emotions?

Did you know how much this caused my daily routine, sleeping cycle and appetite? 

Was everything a revenge? Now, I doubt what people said — you were his time pass, he played with your emotions, he might have already committed.

What did I ever do to you — except love?

I never forced you.

I never crossed your space.

I waited to solve the misunderstanding and problem.

All I wanted was to sit and talk.

All I ever did, was share how deeply I loved you. How much you meant in my life.

Is that a crime?

I admired you.

Respected you.

But never — never — did I think of harassing you.

Never threatened you.

Never wished to disturb your peace, your wellbeing, or ruin your exchange experience.

You misunderstood the heart that beat for you — and turned it into something cold and dangerous.

And now… my mind is in pieces.

Unsettled.

Longing.

Not just for you

But for answers

From the beginning. 

Because despite everything — the pain, the silence, the accusations — I can’t look at another man.

No one feels like you.

No one is you.

Only you.

Now, the case is over. 

But the story… it still lingers inside me. 

As love. As longing.

As a wound the world mistook for a weapon.

It all started from you and ended with me. 

Gazing

Searching

Imitating

Teasing

Blushing 

Admiring 

Calm 

Missing

Longing

Charming smile 

Butterflies 

To

Conflicts 

Misunderstanding 

Reporting 

Unsettling 

Confusing 

Chaos

Seriousness

Gloomy face 

Nausea 

Headaches 

Pain

I've kept this part of my life hidden from my family—knowing it would only bring them pain. No one should ever have to go through something like this.

And yet, somehow…

I’m still standing.

~ Just an ordinary girl, speaking not with anger, but with warmth & kindness. 

Fact : He knew everything but I'm not the person he wants in his life. Simple ;!